Friday, January 26, 2007

teacher dance day

i couldn't sleep last night. not suprisingly my good pal insomnia dropped by for a visit. it reminded me i was suddenly cold, and that my pillow is about as thick as a panty liner, and my blankets smell faintly of burlap, and the wood slats of my bed can be felt through what passes as a "matress" here in india.
everytime a cow farted outside my eyes would open. with the countdown for home started in the furthest reaches of my brain, my hamster has returned to its rusted wheel.
my final waking in the morning was to a woman wailing. i think someone must of died. it was long hysterical wailing for over an hour. i layed with my head hidden under the covers listening.
this week has really really kicked my ass. i had every intention of pulling through, going to my first class and continuing on this path of hard core hard core. but then walking in the morning i decieded i needed a teacher dance day, a mental health day, well a mental health morning at least. today is the last day of my workshop, and though i've been loving it, and my students are great, i will be happy to change my focuse to just learning.
and with rehersal coming into full full swing i'm really not allowed a day off. so this morning i talked to my guru and said, "hey i take vacation from stepping class" and he say's "okay, rest but come for item class"
really this means i only skip out on 1.5 hours of morning exercise. so i drank chai and watched my duid-wallah, i ate a large breakfast, and i came here, to write to you.
thrilling isn't it?
my spanish boy leaves today. i would be sad, but why? i am completely consumed with the dancing.
we had a film crew come to our school the other day. they took footage of colleena dancing and of the advanced class (me included) rehersing. so next sunday night we will be on rajastani tv.
i was told that one month intinsive in odissi is equal to one year of study, so when i'm done here i should have the equevilent of 2.5yrs of work.
my brain needs to figure out how to come back next year.

more

more more more. i have been so busy here i can't see straight.
i had a solo performance the other night, and the place was jammed packed. there was no drinks and no fear. the crowd loved me. boy's and girls i'm big in india.
i am at the end of my 10hr workshop. i have 2 odissi dances under my belt and starting a third. my right heel has had a blow out and it is difficult to dance.
i am dancing so much that i have to work to find time to eat.
the cold "winter" has melted away after a month and the days are hot now, hot like dry hot. my skin is aging before my eyes.
i've fallen in love with the duid-wallah. an old man with a curling white beard, a multi-colored turban, and gold ear cuffs. i see him every morning as he rides in on his big motorcycle, milk pales tied to either side.
i've fallen in love with a spanish man that can see straight through me.
i have become part of a wonderful family here. a bunch of dance geeks that watch dance videos for fun.
we have a new teacher today, he has come to help whip us into shape. my feet and ankles are no longer my own, or at least i can't feel them so i don't think i should claim them.
my nights are filled with buckets of hot water and tiger balm....

countdown to performance is one month...

Friday, January 12, 2007

big fish...
i have been thrown from just finishing the very first dance you learn as an odissi dancer into learning one of the last, and difficult dances.

the odissi food chain befuddles me. i feel as if i am hardly keeping up.
i feel the honor of being thrown in with the big fish, and really i work the best when under pressure, but between me and you sometimes its a daunting thing.
i mean i am literally dancing all day 6 days a week. i look forward to sunday as i've never looked forward to a day off before. i love it, but it can't always be love and confidence. i wouldn't say i'm doubting myself either, but this is definitly turning into an exercise of shutting out the ego.
i can feel it waiting for me, to not work hard enough, to not understnad a step and replicate it quickly enough.
i saw a man hit a cow with his car the other day. i was told that if you kill a cow in india that is one of the worst things for your after life. people will turn themselves into beggars for a few years to try and cancel out the bad karma they've accumulated from this act.
crazy india.
we've ordered our professional odissi outfits for our feb 24th program. i love being part of a studio, to be working to create a very unique performance in an amazing place.
our dresses have to be specially made in Orissia where Odissi originated by a man who's only job is making odissi dresses. this is costing me a few hundred dollars, for one dress. i really don't think i've spent that much on one artical of clothing EVER! but seeing how we will be swarmed with the media it's probably important to look my best!

skinny will come...

we've been hard at work learning a new type of step. this type has a 1-10 and is known as trephungi. those that have taken colleena's workshop, or an odissi class will be familiar with this.
once again i feel like an ape. my knuckles dragging on the ground i leap back and forth screaming and throwing poo at the others. it always comes back to poo.
we are also in a 4/4 to 6/8 transition in the dance, we do a fancy little ballet leap with it. this too makes me revert to my ape ancestors and it's all i can do to stay in form and not shake my hands over my head making monkey noises.
my Guru is and ageless indian man. he sits behing his drum and yells out "No! WHY!" when we do something wrong. he is a fantastic teacher, and never asks us to do anything he can't do. it is amazing with new choreography to watch him dance, sometimes i forget i'm supposed to replicate it. and he always does it once and the say's "you know like this" like i have any idea what he's talking about.
today at our morning break i was laughing at my trephungi attemps and talking with the other dancers about how great our thighs must look and Guruji comes up to me and say's "don't worry skinny will come"
now i can't say that this was something that i was really thinking about. i mean i put on some weight in thailand, but after almost a month of dancing i can feel the difference in my body and i don't think i'm looking all that bad.
all i could really do is laugh and say "really Guruji skinny will come?"
and in all seriousness he looks at me like a concerend father and say's "yeah yeah you a dancer, you have good mind, skinny will come"
so praise God boys and girls skinny will come!

i finally met an indian man that had lived abroad in the west for 6months. he is dissatisfied with his life, he is planning and dreaming for something different than what he has. it seems to be a rare find here in Pushkar, someone that isn't happy with their pre-ordained path. i'm not sure really if it is a good thing, dissatisfaction, but it was nice to finally meet someone that seemed to really think about things and their place in life.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

today...

today is monday jan. 8th 2007.
i think it is getting colder here. there are a few material items i dream of..
1. my long dance legwarmers
2. my dance arm shrug
3. polar fleece jacket
4. mitlettes
5.sonicare toothbrush
6.my book collection
7.gummy hearts
i will be giving a small performance in two weeks at a local resturant with a few other dancers. then i will be teaching my first workshop.
i really don't enjoy being the center of attention. dancing as a soloist makes me want to ralph. i wish i had my 50lbs suitcase full of make up and tricks. but all i have is a stick of coal, some old crusty mascara, and Pushkar market to shop for my costume. what will i do without my comforts? without my troupe mates?
bellydance polotics is getting thick here, almost as thick as in the states. the conversations make me want to puncture my ear drums. the cattiness is lurking under layers of salwar kameze...can it be contained?

i took a ride on a motorbike the other night with my guesthouse boyfriend. he's always telling me about the hills at night and how beautiful it is. so he invites me along and i accept. he then spends a few minutes on his cellphone and we leave. some how "riding through the hills at night" turned into "zig-zagging through town at night" i felt like i was on display. i wonder if he called all his friends and was like "hey bet you five ruppees i got a blonde on my bike".
i was a little annoyed at first, but really it was funny. life is just funny to me, especially life here in india.
so what do i care if pushkar thinks i'm hooking up with my guesthouse guy? if they think that then maybe they'll leave me alone.
solitude is something that is no longer part of my life. i have to work hard to be alone, well there are now over a billion people in india, so i guess i can't complaine.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

new years and feeling like death

on new years i didn't camp in the desert or the dessert. i did however spend it under the stars listening to a man with a voice of...how to describe. audioual honey. everytime i hear this man sing i am frozen, i can't explain.
i wanted to turn my head sideways and spoon the richness into my ears. once he was done i wanted to plug my ears with my fingures and keep his voice safe in my head. unfortunatly it doesn't work that way. he is however my song teacher, and sings when we dance. only once have i danced to him singing, and i just really couldn't function, i became all elbows and shuffeling steps!
and part two. i have been SO sick! after all this time i was thumbing my nose at the travel sick bug. don't get me wrong i have plenty of shit stories to share on a one to one basis, but as far as sick goes, it has been quick and never too painfull.
so happy new year, the purge of 2006 is done and i physically felt it passing. today is my first day out of bed after about 50 hours of sleep. i really hope this is all for the new year!