Friday, March 16, 2007
jiggity-jig
home again, home again, jiggity jig.
as the plane landed i felt like i was waking up from an unsetteling sleep. i was suddenly back "home". i felt like i've never left. people suprise me when they are suprised to be seeing me.
it never happened, it was a dream.
i danced while looking in a mirror last night, it was an interesting change. not good, not bad, but riding the fine line of both. i try to talk about my trip, but really it's not a thing to talk about. if you have been following my blogs you were there with me. what more to say. how to sum up a 6month in a few words.
words like crazy and dream, i start to yawn with how many times i've spoken them.
one of the good things with coming home is the act of dis-spelling nightmares. knowing where i stand.
the house is being sold. soy's beautiful home that feels like my beautiful home. i wasn't prepaired to fly home and "stage" the house, or basically throw all my stuff in storage. but it is what it is and i am over it. a new place, a new adventure. things always change for the best.
i am jobless, and unafraid. unafraid till the bills begin to roll in.
i've had several publications while i was gone. 2 magazines, one cd, 2 dvd's, a poster. not to be an egoist but i love getting published!
i've gotten the love of my life curled next to me again. his white puff of hair extra fluffy from his morning shower.
so much and so little. i am still me.
as the plane landed i felt like i was waking up from an unsetteling sleep. i was suddenly back "home". i felt like i've never left. people suprise me when they are suprised to be seeing me.
it never happened, it was a dream.
i danced while looking in a mirror last night, it was an interesting change. not good, not bad, but riding the fine line of both. i try to talk about my trip, but really it's not a thing to talk about. if you have been following my blogs you were there with me. what more to say. how to sum up a 6month in a few words.
words like crazy and dream, i start to yawn with how many times i've spoken them.
one of the good things with coming home is the act of dis-spelling nightmares. knowing where i stand.
the house is being sold. soy's beautiful home that feels like my beautiful home. i wasn't prepaired to fly home and "stage" the house, or basically throw all my stuff in storage. but it is what it is and i am over it. a new place, a new adventure. things always change for the best.
i am jobless, and unafraid. unafraid till the bills begin to roll in.
i've had several publications while i was gone. 2 magazines, one cd, 2 dvd's, a poster. not to be an egoist but i love getting published!
i've gotten the love of my life curled next to me again. his white puff of hair extra fluffy from his morning shower.
so much and so little. i am still me.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
holy holy
today was the indian holiday holy. no one was really able to tell me why this was a holiday, or its signifigance in the indian religion, but they said it was not to be missed. holy, for those of you that don't know, is a color festival and on this day if you are out of your room you are fair game.
color festival, the ENTIRE town shuts down, men with roving carts sell brightly colored powder for everyone to throw at everyone else. a painter would be please with the pallet ranging in colors from deep eggplant purple to a sunshine yellow. there are also fouler things used like motor oil, but yuck we won't get into that.
i've heard so many horror stories about this festival, just as i heard so many horror stories about traveling in india, and had made up my mind to hide out.
well long story short that didn't happen. i was drawn to the music, to the party. i stuck to the ghats where i thought it would be safe, nope. i was set on by a group of men and the first handful of color was splatted onto my breast as the man caught a quick grab. i yelled at him for it but he took off, his friends, being much nicer, patted a little more color onto my face. this turned me away from the main action, but i really felt a cat an mouse attraction to the middle of town where the whole thing was going on. should i shouldn't i? i mean i didn't want to put myself out there to get molested, but how often are you in india for Holy?
so a dancer friend and i skirted around the perimeter and made a mad dash for a roof top resturant, we caught a little color on the way up but we ran and found saftey four stories up. we hung out and hovered, getting more and more excited as we watched the chaos below. we were already a little dirty, so what was a little more? after about 30 mins we finally took the plunge into the maddness
.
mostly it was men. men dancing to some crappy trance and some killer bollywood, literally tearing the shirts off of all the men still wearing them and throwing them up to hang on a wire. people threw color by the bag full, sometimes the air was so thick with dust i wondered if it was some toxic gas setteling down to kill us. there was also liquid color squrted from water bottles and poured out of buckets onto unsuspecting heads.
my second face full of color was administered by a young indian man. he put his hands into the brightly colored sewer water and rubbed it all over my face. nice. if i didn't have a parasite yet i do now.
the rest is a blur of hands an color.
pushkar, being so small, is a relativly safe place for me to be for holy. a lot of the boys new us, and were respectful to us as part of the community, and we had one older man as a protector. so when they guys were getting a little too crazy towards us our protector hari would yell at them. not to say i wasn't groped a few other times or man handeled a bit, but it really wasn't too bad. is that silly to say? the bit of grabbing that went on wasn't too bad....but really they guys were quick to back off, and if they didn't other guys would step in and push them off.
my worst injury happened early on. our protector, hari, had a 50kg bag of color he opened for us to throw. i had two handfulls and tossed a little on my friend tera's head, she got a little crazy and with a full handful of color hit me point blank in the left eye. i had no time at all to close it and i went blind. i couldn't wipe it out with my hands or parts of my clothes because they were already full of colored powder. she screamed as soon as she did it and went running to grab me something clean to wipe my eye out with. but strangers to the rescue, i was pushed along a line of helpful hands to the water spicket and some kids helped me clean out my eye.
after that i was full on dirty and danced the day away.
the main square looked like a war zone.
i can't remeber the last time i had so much fun.
later i took a long shower and scrubbed scrubbed scrubbed. my clothes are ruined, my dreads, even though wrapped, are colored pink and blue, and my face and hands are tinted like a barbie house. i scrubbed so much that my face feels like i have a bad sun burn, putting lotion on it makes it sting.
i have been reassured that the color in the hair will last for months but the skin will only take 3 or 4 days to get back to normal. or maybe i should just turn it brown because i'd look so much better.
color festival, the ENTIRE town shuts down, men with roving carts sell brightly colored powder for everyone to throw at everyone else. a painter would be please with the pallet ranging in colors from deep eggplant purple to a sunshine yellow. there are also fouler things used like motor oil, but yuck we won't get into that.
i've heard so many horror stories about this festival, just as i heard so many horror stories about traveling in india, and had made up my mind to hide out.
well long story short that didn't happen. i was drawn to the music, to the party. i stuck to the ghats where i thought it would be safe, nope. i was set on by a group of men and the first handful of color was splatted onto my breast as the man caught a quick grab. i yelled at him for it but he took off, his friends, being much nicer, patted a little more color onto my face. this turned me away from the main action, but i really felt a cat an mouse attraction to the middle of town where the whole thing was going on. should i shouldn't i? i mean i didn't want to put myself out there to get molested, but how often are you in india for Holy?
so a dancer friend and i skirted around the perimeter and made a mad dash for a roof top resturant, we caught a little color on the way up but we ran and found saftey four stories up. we hung out and hovered, getting more and more excited as we watched the chaos below. we were already a little dirty, so what was a little more? after about 30 mins we finally took the plunge into the maddness
.
mostly it was men. men dancing to some crappy trance and some killer bollywood, literally tearing the shirts off of all the men still wearing them and throwing them up to hang on a wire. people threw color by the bag full, sometimes the air was so thick with dust i wondered if it was some toxic gas setteling down to kill us. there was also liquid color squrted from water bottles and poured out of buckets onto unsuspecting heads.
my second face full of color was administered by a young indian man. he put his hands into the brightly colored sewer water and rubbed it all over my face. nice. if i didn't have a parasite yet i do now.
the rest is a blur of hands an color.
pushkar, being so small, is a relativly safe place for me to be for holy. a lot of the boys new us, and were respectful to us as part of the community, and we had one older man as a protector. so when they guys were getting a little too crazy towards us our protector hari would yell at them. not to say i wasn't groped a few other times or man handeled a bit, but it really wasn't too bad. is that silly to say? the bit of grabbing that went on wasn't too bad....but really they guys were quick to back off, and if they didn't other guys would step in and push them off.
my worst injury happened early on. our protector, hari, had a 50kg bag of color he opened for us to throw. i had two handfulls and tossed a little on my friend tera's head, she got a little crazy and with a full handful of color hit me point blank in the left eye. i had no time at all to close it and i went blind. i couldn't wipe it out with my hands or parts of my clothes because they were already full of colored powder. she screamed as soon as she did it and went running to grab me something clean to wipe my eye out with. but strangers to the rescue, i was pushed along a line of helpful hands to the water spicket and some kids helped me clean out my eye.
after that i was full on dirty and danced the day away.
the main square looked like a war zone.
i can't remeber the last time i had so much fun.
later i took a long shower and scrubbed scrubbed scrubbed. my clothes are ruined, my dreads, even though wrapped, are colored pink and blue, and my face and hands are tinted like a barbie house. i scrubbed so much that my face feels like i have a bad sun burn, putting lotion on it makes it sting.
i have been reassured that the color in the hair will last for months but the skin will only take 3 or 4 days to get back to normal. or maybe i should just turn it brown because i'd look so much better.
Friday, March 02, 2007
morning
Thursday, March 01, 2007
morning
this morning, like all mornings, i found myself curled in a ball trying to untangle myself from sleep. it seemed to be a losing battle. i reached up with what little strength i had and switched on the light.
a few minutes later there was a light knock on my door. i thought myself deluded and ignored it. another minute the knock persisted. i moved like a pre historic monster escaping the tar pits and opened the door. one of my guest house boyfriends was standing there with a tray of chai, one glass for me.
these are the things i will miss.
morning
this morning, like all mornings, i found myself curled in a ball trying to untangle myself from sleep. it seemed to be a losing battle. i reached up with what little strength i had and switched on the light.
a few minutes later there was a light knock on my door. i thought myself deluded and ignored it. another minute the knock persisted. i moved like a pre historic monster escaping the tar pits and opened the door. one of my guest house boyfriends was standing there with a tray of chai, one glass for me.
these are the things i will miss.
act of God
Monday, February 26, 2007
well it was an act of God
sorry to keep you all hanging. i know everyone wants to know about this performance. i still have a tired hangover from the event and would like to take a break, but have plunged back into class. there is so much to learn and so little time!!!!
the day of the performance was crazy. not just crazy, but really fucking crazy. let me back up a little. so we had a test run on this incrediable awful stage, if you read my last blog then you know that there was no way possible to dance...or at least dance well. thankfully that got taken care of. the support system was the same, tables on top of piles of rocks, but they got large sheets of ply-wood and put it on top of the rickity tables with carpet inbetween and then a weird felty astro turf on top of that. not my dream stage but tears fell a second time because i knew i could dance on it. biggest disaster avoided right? huh yeah right!
so i wake up on saturday and go to morning class, do a quick run through and the run home to shower and then run back to the studio to get ready. usually the skies are blue and the wind is still, typical rajastani weather, hot dessert stuff right? well the morning looked grim and felt windy, a little afternoon rain was on the bill, but we had faith that it would clear up.
i started getting ready at 1.30, we had a photo shoot schedualed for 4pm and then the show at 7pm. sounds like a mad amount of time yeah? but somehow time always runs out when you have 12 girls, maybe 5 mirrors, and only 1 Guruji to help us. everything in odissi dance is very spcific. the order of getting ready down to the shape of the eyebrows. i caught a little bit of shit for having dreadlocks, the ball (bun) on the back of my head was large, and Guruji spent several minutes twisting it around my head making as small as could be. odissi dancers just don't have dreadlocks, colleena had some for many years but fell to the pressure and finally got rid of them a year ago. the orissa dancers told me they were worried about what i would do with my hair, they don't like the dreads either. and of course while all the frantic getting ready is going on the wind is getting stronger and the rain starts falling. not a small light friendly rain, but more like the wind storm of the centruy with hard showers. a tarp was quickly thrown onto the stage, and people kept working, but i wondered how it would go. the school is open in parts of the wall and ceiling and rain was pouring in, there were no lights, and anything you set down blew across the room. the situation was so hopless that really we could only laugh at it. the weather was completely out of control, and so unusual for this time of year.
our photographer sucked. a point i am very sensetive to, and i unfortunatly didn't get to take as many photos as i wanted to. with the storm the light went fast and everyone was slow in getting ready.
the show was supposed to start at 7pm, at that time there was about 12 people in the audience (this was a free show). but with the rain and wind who can blame people for not coming out. so we are ready and we wait. wait for the storm to stop, (oh did i mention the lightning going on) and people to show up.
so we started about an hour and a half to two hours late. the people, bless their hearts, came, and they stayed even the show wasn't starting. the wind was so crazy strong i knew we would be blown off the stage, and as soon as colleena went out to give her speech the power died. all the power. the place was plunged into darkness, and the wind was still going (the rain stopped). it took another 10 mins to get the lights up, colleena gave her speech and i lined the dancers up on the side of the building. because of my height i find myself constantly in the front, and it was up to me to hit the music perfectly and lead the first dance out. i was around the side of the building, straining my ears. i couldn't hear anything because of the wind. i started to panic, and then i stopped. i focused and i listened. i heard what i was looking for and started the entrance for the dance. then it was the act of God. somewhere in the beginning of the dance the wind stopped, and the night became calm, and remained calm till the very end of the program, when it started to pour with a vengance.
my performance was that of a beginner. i gave it my best, but definitly came up short. i had no huge mistakes in the first number, but my skill level is not as good as i would like it to be. the stage, even though covered during the rain was soaked, and the lights were so bright i could hardly see where i was placing my feet. but i made it through with a smile on my face, and i didn't fall.
the second dance i was in, and the last of the night, was much more challanging. it is the last dance you learn as an odissi dancer, and it is considered "pure dance" because you are dancing for enlightenment. this shit was FAST, like really fast. i was on the other side of the stage, in the front, from where i had previously danced, and i was standing in an actuall puddle. there was tape under my feet that started lifting, and in the middle of my dance by bracelet flew off! i tried to idnore it, but i'm sure the "oh shit" look was aparent on my face. the bracelet didn't land far away from my feet and i started to sweat thinking in my head "please God don't let me step on it, don't let me step on it!". some wonderful person, i still don't know who, snuck up to the stage and pulled it out of my way, thankfully. after that i just had to keep up and keep smiling. all else seemed pretty well, but at the very end there is a crazy set of 5 turns. i find this normally to be a challange, and had only aced it about half the time in practice. the first three were good, but the puddle and the tape were messing me up and with the forth turn i knew i'd loss it if i did one more, so i tried to drag it out and stopped the same time the other dancers stopped. i thought it was better than eating shit on the stage, but it really bummed me out.
this show was broadcasted live on televison. there was literally hundreds of people that came. tv crews and newspapers snuck into our green room to interveiw us and were kicked out by the police. at the end of the show we came out onto the stage and the people went mad. the screamed, they cheered, the took crazy amounts of photos. the show was a sucess, we are now crazy rockstars in pushkar.
the next day all our friends from Orissa left early in the morning. getting to bed at 2am i got up at 8am and ran to see them off. the dancers want me to come and study in Orissa, the hub of Odissi dance, they don't like my locks but they like my dancing...so maybe next year.
now i can hardly make it through the market without at least 5 offers of chai. we were in 4 different news papers and on the front page of one. it was a crazy wonderful experience.
talking with the other girls, and the locals we all believe that the night really was magical, a miracle that everything pulled through. odissi dance in its original form was danced only in temples, for the gods, never for entertainment. that has changed but the dedication and sincerity of the dancers hasn't that much. and i think that was our saving grace. our devotion to this form, our sincerity, and the pure determination to bring this to the community, for free, really brought us through. ugh that's all. i'll post some pics soon!!!
well it was an act of God
sorry to keep you all hanging. i know everyone wants to know about this performance. i still have a tired hangover from the event and would like to take a break, but have plunged back into class. there is so much to learn and so little time!!!!
the day of the performance was crazy. not just crazy, but really fucking crazy. let me back up a little. so we had a test run on this incrediable awful stage, if you read my last blog then you know that there was no way possible to dance...or at least dance well. thankfully that got taken care of. the support system was the same, tables on top of piles of rocks, but they got large sheets of ply-wood and put it on top of the rickity tables with carpet inbetween and then a weird felty astro turf on top of that. not my dream stage but tears fell a second time because i knew i could dance on it. biggest disaster avoided right? huh yeah right!
so i wake up on saturday and go to morning class, do a quick run through and the run home to shower and then run back to the studio to get ready. usually the skies are blue and the wind is still, typical rajastani weather, hot dessert stuff right? well the morning looked grim and felt windy, a little afternoon rain was on the bill, but we had faith that it would clear up.
i started getting ready at 1.30, we had a photo shoot schedualed for 4pm and then the show at 7pm. sounds like a mad amount of time yeah? but somehow time always runs out when you have 12 girls, maybe 5 mirrors, and only 1 Guruji to help us. everything in odissi dance is very spcific. the order of getting ready down to the shape of the eyebrows. i caught a little bit of shit for having dreadlocks, the ball (bun) on the back of my head was large, and Guruji spent several minutes twisting it around my head making as small as could be. odissi dancers just don't have dreadlocks, colleena had some for many years but fell to the pressure and finally got rid of them a year ago. the orissa dancers told me they were worried about what i would do with my hair, they don't like the dreads either. and of course while all the frantic getting ready is going on the wind is getting stronger and the rain starts falling. not a small light friendly rain, but more like the wind storm of the centruy with hard showers. a tarp was quickly thrown onto the stage, and people kept working, but i wondered how it would go. the school is open in parts of the wall and ceiling and rain was pouring in, there were no lights, and anything you set down blew across the room. the situation was so hopless that really we could only laugh at it. the weather was completely out of control, and so unusual for this time of year.
our photographer sucked. a point i am very sensetive to, and i unfortunatly didn't get to take as many photos as i wanted to. with the storm the light went fast and everyone was slow in getting ready.
the show was supposed to start at 7pm, at that time there was about 12 people in the audience (this was a free show). but with the rain and wind who can blame people for not coming out. so we are ready and we wait. wait for the storm to stop, (oh did i mention the lightning going on) and people to show up.
so we started about an hour and a half to two hours late. the people, bless their hearts, came, and they stayed even the show wasn't starting. the wind was so crazy strong i knew we would be blown off the stage, and as soon as colleena went out to give her speech the power died. all the power. the place was plunged into darkness, and the wind was still going (the rain stopped). it took another 10 mins to get the lights up, colleena gave her speech and i lined the dancers up on the side of the building. because of my height i find myself constantly in the front, and it was up to me to hit the music perfectly and lead the first dance out. i was around the side of the building, straining my ears. i couldn't hear anything because of the wind. i started to panic, and then i stopped. i focused and i listened. i heard what i was looking for and started the entrance for the dance. then it was the act of God. somewhere in the beginning of the dance the wind stopped, and the night became calm, and remained calm till the very end of the program, when it started to pour with a vengance.
my performance was that of a beginner. i gave it my best, but definitly came up short. i had no huge mistakes in the first number, but my skill level is not as good as i would like it to be. the stage, even though covered during the rain was soaked, and the lights were so bright i could hardly see where i was placing my feet. but i made it through with a smile on my face, and i didn't fall.
the second dance i was in, and the last of the night, was much more challanging. it is the last dance you learn as an odissi dancer, and it is considered "pure dance" because you are dancing for enlightenment. this shit was FAST, like really fast. i was on the other side of the stage, in the front, from where i had previously danced, and i was standing in an actuall puddle. there was tape under my feet that started lifting, and in the middle of my dance by bracelet flew off! i tried to idnore it, but i'm sure the "oh shit" look was aparent on my face. the bracelet didn't land far away from my feet and i started to sweat thinking in my head "please God don't let me step on it, don't let me step on it!". some wonderful person, i still don't know who, snuck up to the stage and pulled it out of my way, thankfully. after that i just had to keep up and keep smiling. all else seemed pretty well, but at the very end there is a crazy set of 5 turns. i find this normally to be a challange, and had only aced it about half the time in practice. the first three were good, but the puddle and the tape were messing me up and with the forth turn i knew i'd loss it if i did one more, so i tried to drag it out and stopped the same time the other dancers stopped. i thought it was better than eating shit on the stage, but it really bummed me out.
this show was broadcasted live on televison. there was literally hundreds of people that came. tv crews and newspapers snuck into our green room to interveiw us and were kicked out by the police. at the end of the show we came out onto the stage and the people went mad. the screamed, they cheered, the took crazy amounts of photos. the show was a sucess, we are now crazy rockstars in pushkar.
the next day all our friends from Orissa left early in the morning. getting to bed at 2am i got up at 8am and ran to see them off. the dancers want me to come and study in Orissa, the hub of Odissi dance, they don't like my locks but they like my dancing...so maybe next year.
now i can hardly make it through the market without at least 5 offers of chai. we were in 4 different news papers and on the front page of one. it was a crazy wonderful experience.
talking with the other girls, and the locals we all believe that the night really was magical, a miracle that everything pulled through. odissi dance in its original form was danced only in temples, for the gods, never for entertainment. that has changed but the dedication and sincerity of the dancers hasn't that much. and i think that was our saving grace. our devotion to this form, our sincerity, and the pure determination to bring this to the community, for free, really brought us through. ugh that's all. i'll post some pics soon!!!
fear
Friday, February 23, 2007
last night we rehearsed on the "stage". i really can't wait to share photos. really the "stage" is a bunch of tables pushed together. they have rocks shoved under the feet where things don't match up. i feel like i am walking on a water bed the boards are so bouncy. then the legs are strapped together and there is a pad laid down and then a big white bed sheet, full of stains and holes.
i didn't mean to but i cried with the first run through. i mean we've been working on this show for months now, and then to put us on a stage like that, it really cancels out all the hard work. i say this without being a princess, really. i mean have you ever tried to spin on a bed sheet? okay maybe one girl, but how about 8 girls spread out spinning at the same time on the same sheet? little crazy, and when we stomp. bad. the vibrations from one girl rock those around her off balance. pure maddness.
they say they are going to do something about it, but what? this is an indian stage, welcome to india. this place still boggels my mind.
also we recieved our special costumes from Orissa. some how my "blue and silver" sari turned into a purple and cream...i feel like barney in it. this are of course the times that i have to let go. none of this is in my control. i will be happy when the program is done. but i fear the stage. i don't even feel like i can call it a stage. it is evil...
last night we rehearsed on the "stage". i really can't wait to share photos. really the "stage" is a bunch of tables pushed together. they have rocks shoved under the feet where things don't match up. i feel like i am walking on a water bed the boards are so bouncy. then the legs are strapped together and there is a pad laid down and then a big white bed sheet, full of stains and holes.
i didn't mean to but i cried with the first run through. i mean we've been working on this show for months now, and then to put us on a stage like that, it really cancels out all the hard work. i say this without being a princess, really. i mean have you ever tried to spin on a bed sheet? okay maybe one girl, but how about 8 girls spread out spinning at the same time on the same sheet? little crazy, and when we stomp. bad. the vibrations from one girl rock those around her off balance. pure maddness.
they say they are going to do something about it, but what? this is an indian stage, welcome to india. this place still boggels my mind.
also we recieved our special costumes from Orissa. some how my "blue and silver" sari turned into a purple and cream...i feel like barney in it. this are of course the times that i have to let go. none of this is in my control. i will be happy when the program is done. but i fear the stage. i don't even feel like i can call it a stage. it is evil...
two days
Thursday, February 22, 2007
two days
so the dancers and musicians arrived today from east india.
no more playing around, if what we've been doing is "playing around".
the energy is so crazy. the musicians are wonderful, the dancers are wonderful. i am constantly on the verge of puking my guts out because i'm so nervouse.
tonight we try on our costumes. tomorrow our Guru does a special puja for each dancer and our gungaroos. the next day we dance.
life is crazy. this energy and people are crazy. sometimes i feel as if i'm possesed. sometimes i find myself crying because i am so overwhelemed with the blessing poured onto me.
i can't wonder about the choices i've made, because they have all been the right ones. to be here, to be experience this, is so where i am supposed to be. listening to me people may think that i am exaggerating, or i am playing some sort of "spiritual quest" game, where i turn into a dirty hippy that's found enlightenment in india and will drop out of society. but really i've found something magical, and frightning.
i have invited something into my life that i will NEVER be able to live with out. it is like i've never breathed air before and for the first time i feel it in my lungs. i am afraid to leave it. afraid to remove this paradise from my life.
the clock is starting to wind down on me. wish me luck for the 24th.
two days
so the dancers and musicians arrived today from east india.
no more playing around, if what we've been doing is "playing around".
the energy is so crazy. the musicians are wonderful, the dancers are wonderful. i am constantly on the verge of puking my guts out because i'm so nervouse.
tonight we try on our costumes. tomorrow our Guru does a special puja for each dancer and our gungaroos. the next day we dance.
life is crazy. this energy and people are crazy. sometimes i feel as if i'm possesed. sometimes i find myself crying because i am so overwhelemed with the blessing poured onto me.
i can't wonder about the choices i've made, because they have all been the right ones. to be here, to be experience this, is so where i am supposed to be. listening to me people may think that i am exaggerating, or i am playing some sort of "spiritual quest" game, where i turn into a dirty hippy that's found enlightenment in india and will drop out of society. but really i've found something magical, and frightning.
i have invited something into my life that i will NEVER be able to live with out. it is like i've never breathed air before and for the first time i feel it in my lungs. i am afraid to leave it. afraid to remove this paradise from my life.
the clock is starting to wind down on me. wish me luck for the 24th.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
sorry about that...
well i've had quite a few emails asking me about my blog, pretty much where was it? what had happened? are you still alive?
well the story is that i am forced to upgrade my blogger account, but since i'm working on a PET here and the connection is "carrier pigeon", you can imagine how l9ong ot takes to create anything. nothing is easily done in india, even if it is as simple as putting on your socks...
i have been moonlighting and keeping a second blog on the horrid myspace, and for your reading pleasure i have just caught you up on them. there's not much there, but enjoy.
as for right now, more the same. i think i may have caught a parasite, or my body is just wrecked. i gave him a name, seeing as how close we are, and he has become quiet a big part of the dance community. i hope to god it's something insane like a tapeworm.
also just one week to performance. it will be nice to be done with it...sometimes the build-up is too much. let's just do this and get on with our lives please.
i have given up on my plane ticket and am setteling in for my new life. i either end up working with the gypsys in the market, or getting married and learning to cook. hard choice right? but in all seriousness i am learning some mad dancing skills, and after this program passes i will start to learn a dance so feirce that it takes my breath away.
so yes i am alive, i am well. i am submurged in a dream, refusing to wake up.
well the story is that i am forced to upgrade my blogger account, but since i'm working on a PET here and the connection is "carrier pigeon", you can imagine how l9ong ot takes to create anything. nothing is easily done in india, even if it is as simple as putting on your socks...
i have been moonlighting and keeping a second blog on the horrid myspace, and for your reading pleasure i have just caught you up on them. there's not much there, but enjoy.
as for right now, more the same. i think i may have caught a parasite, or my body is just wrecked. i gave him a name, seeing as how close we are, and he has become quiet a big part of the dance community. i hope to god it's something insane like a tapeworm.
also just one week to performance. it will be nice to be done with it...sometimes the build-up is too much. let's just do this and get on with our lives please.
i have given up on my plane ticket and am setteling in for my new life. i either end up working with the gypsys in the market, or getting married and learning to cook. hard choice right? but in all seriousness i am learning some mad dancing skills, and after this program passes i will start to learn a dance so feirce that it takes my breath away.
so yes i am alive, i am well. i am submurged in a dream, refusing to wake up.
hair color
Friday, February 16, 2007
hair color
i was told that indians, even if they are gentlemen, really don't prefer blondes. i found this bit of knowledge interesting so went to investigate.
i asked several men and they all told me, no no blondes, we prefer black or "henna" colored hair. one even went so far as to say, "you'd be much prettier if you had black hair."
hair color
i was told that indians, even if they are gentlemen, really don't prefer blondes. i found this bit of knowledge interesting so went to investigate.
i asked several men and they all told me, no no blondes, we prefer black or "henna" colored hair. one even went so far as to say, "you'd be much prettier if you had black hair."
DEATH...again
DEATH....again
i thought settling into pushkar would be like one near death experience and then life. i have been confined to my bed for the last three. actually it's not even my bed but sharing a bed with one of the other girls i now think of as "mamma kimberly, the walking dr".
i think as a person i am not equipped for india. i have never been so sick, so many times. this land likes to remind me how weak i really am.
with only 9 days till program i find myself hysterical. well trying not to be, but on the verge. my body has been telling me, more rest morerestmorerest! and i would go home dutifully and be in bed at a resonable hour, but lay awake until 2 3 am. so finally my big dumb lug of an animal gave up on me since i wasn't giving it the proper care. a stupid but essential part of life.
on a side note i find it rather humerous that one word i consistantly spell wrong (among the thousands) is stupid. i ALWAYS want to spell it stupied instead of stupid. then i have to laugh and remeber how stupid i look spelling stupied wrong!
so after 3 days in bed i opened a door and walked home. i felt like i was seeing india for the first time again. i had been reborn.
then an angle from alaska came to visit me bringning an mp3 player with tom waits new 3cd album on it. i was on fire. i listened to it all night long. it made my brain smoulder and burn all thoughts...there is just something about that man and his words, i always had a thing for words even if i never cared to spell them right.
my brain has been awakened. there was a moment that the hamster fell asleep at the wheel and fell into his cider bedding, but that little bastard is up and doing his sun salutations so the maddness will begain again soon.
i ran into my french poet again. the one from the beginning of the trip. i said a breif hello and have plans to meet with him later. how odd to wander and run into the same people two three times in a trip, in different countries no less.
i have missed 3 days of rehersal. i could chew off my arm i feel so anxious. there's nothing to heal the body like a good dose of anxiety...
but this is all part of theprocess. giving it up. i have really learned some depths in the soul/body relationship. i push and sometimes it folds, and when it folds i can't seem to tell why.
airplane limbo continues...i'm never coming home.
i thought settling into pushkar would be like one near death experience and then life. i have been confined to my bed for the last three. actually it's not even my bed but sharing a bed with one of the other girls i now think of as "mamma kimberly, the walking dr".
i think as a person i am not equipped for india. i have never been so sick, so many times. this land likes to remind me how weak i really am.
with only 9 days till program i find myself hysterical. well trying not to be, but on the verge. my body has been telling me, more rest morerestmorerest! and i would go home dutifully and be in bed at a resonable hour, but lay awake until 2 3 am. so finally my big dumb lug of an animal gave up on me since i wasn't giving it the proper care. a stupid but essential part of life.
on a side note i find it rather humerous that one word i consistantly spell wrong (among the thousands) is stupid. i ALWAYS want to spell it stupied instead of stupid. then i have to laugh and remeber how stupid i look spelling stupied wrong!
so after 3 days in bed i opened a door and walked home. i felt like i was seeing india for the first time again. i had been reborn.
then an angle from alaska came to visit me bringning an mp3 player with tom waits new 3cd album on it. i was on fire. i listened to it all night long. it made my brain smoulder and burn all thoughts...there is just something about that man and his words, i always had a thing for words even if i never cared to spell them right.
my brain has been awakened. there was a moment that the hamster fell asleep at the wheel and fell into his cider bedding, but that little bastard is up and doing his sun salutations so the maddness will begain again soon.
i ran into my french poet again. the one from the beginning of the trip. i said a breif hello and have plans to meet with him later. how odd to wander and run into the same people two three times in a trip, in different countries no less.
i have missed 3 days of rehersal. i could chew off my arm i feel so anxious. there's nothing to heal the body like a good dose of anxiety...
but this is all part of theprocess. giving it up. i have really learned some depths in the soul/body relationship. i push and sometimes it folds, and when it folds i can't seem to tell why.
airplane limbo continues...i'm never coming home.
gungaroos
Friday, February 09, 2007
gungaroos
today was the first time ever i strapped on some gungaroos.
for those of you that don't know gungaroos are the bells worn around the ankles, they are found in several different forms of classical indian dance.
the feeling was amazing. having them on my ankels really made me want to dance. it was elating. suddenly after a full day of rehersal, running to the tailors, running to the bookshop, working with an indian graphic designer on big banners for our show, and then doing music theory, blah blah blah....i thought i was pooped (always goes back to #2) but no i found that with my gungaroos i had the power to go on.
i was a new woman. i did every choka step and every dance. i was floating on bells.
i have been learning more and more about the history of odissi dance...something i won't babble on about, but this whole experience has ruined me. or saved me, we've yet to see.
still in airplane limbo.
gungaroos
today was the first time ever i strapped on some gungaroos.
for those of you that don't know gungaroos are the bells worn around the ankles, they are found in several different forms of classical indian dance.
the feeling was amazing. having them on my ankels really made me want to dance. it was elating. suddenly after a full day of rehersal, running to the tailors, running to the bookshop, working with an indian graphic designer on big banners for our show, and then doing music theory, blah blah blah....i thought i was pooped (always goes back to #2) but no i found that with my gungaroos i had the power to go on.
i was a new woman. i did every choka step and every dance. i was floating on bells.
i have been learning more and more about the history of odissi dance...something i won't babble on about, but this whole experience has ruined me. or saved me, we've yet to see.
still in airplane limbo.
today
Monday, February 05, 2007
today
19 days till performance.
we have been working so hard here at the studio that EVERYONE fell sick at once. a massive gust of desert air pushed a cold virus from one dry nose to another. with in a day we were all down for the count. my guesthouse boyfriend kept me supplied in tea and conversation, he brought me flowers for my durga, and made sure i was well taken care of.
i took 2.5 days off of school and slept slept slept. i went through a whole tissue roll with my nose alone. today i fell much better. today we held a meeting about keeping the school healthy for the next 19 days, after that who cares?
i'm in the middle of dance #3, but luckily will only be performing two dances on stage. i can't wait to get my pretty costume from orissa, and pretend to be a classical dancer.
i need an accordian player and a human beatbox artist on my return, i have plans of grandure for the stage.
my return. i can't seem to get my return date sorted out, and have been having horrid problems with a return date. i think i may have to live with the gypsys and do henna in the markets once this dance program is over. my time is running longer than my $. but it is only $ and i know my dear friends and family won't make me stoop to prostitution. well if they do i live in the right hood!
i've been trying to get in good with the silver guys here in town, but still their prices are so high! they know me by name but still levey the "white skin tax" so things aren't much cheaper than they would be in america. also pushkar is such a tourist markwet that if i don't pay the prices someone else will.
i saw a world famouse indian flautist last night. somehow my picture ended up in the hindi paper from it. i've yet to see it, but while walking to school this morning i kept getting my local dollar dropping report and, oh you are in the paper today! no one seemed to have a copy on them, but i'll check it out.
i meet a traveling painter from south africa that has started sketching me, and wants to paint dancer portraits.
what else? i have a parcel as big as my body that needs to make it into the mail, i have to hire a coolie to carry it for me.
pushkar is still a dream. everyday i start to forget, but then i open my eyes.
today
19 days till performance.
we have been working so hard here at the studio that EVERYONE fell sick at once. a massive gust of desert air pushed a cold virus from one dry nose to another. with in a day we were all down for the count. my guesthouse boyfriend kept me supplied in tea and conversation, he brought me flowers for my durga, and made sure i was well taken care of.
i took 2.5 days off of school and slept slept slept. i went through a whole tissue roll with my nose alone. today i fell much better. today we held a meeting about keeping the school healthy for the next 19 days, after that who cares?
i'm in the middle of dance #3, but luckily will only be performing two dances on stage. i can't wait to get my pretty costume from orissa, and pretend to be a classical dancer.
i need an accordian player and a human beatbox artist on my return, i have plans of grandure for the stage.
my return. i can't seem to get my return date sorted out, and have been having horrid problems with a return date. i think i may have to live with the gypsys and do henna in the markets once this dance program is over. my time is running longer than my $. but it is only $ and i know my dear friends and family won't make me stoop to prostitution. well if they do i live in the right hood!
i've been trying to get in good with the silver guys here in town, but still their prices are so high! they know me by name but still levey the "white skin tax" so things aren't much cheaper than they would be in america. also pushkar is such a tourist markwet that if i don't pay the prices someone else will.
i saw a world famouse indian flautist last night. somehow my picture ended up in the hindi paper from it. i've yet to see it, but while walking to school this morning i kept getting my local dollar dropping report and, oh you are in the paper today! no one seemed to have a copy on them, but i'll check it out.
i meet a traveling painter from south africa that has started sketching me, and wants to paint dancer portraits.
what else? i have a parcel as big as my body that needs to make it into the mail, i have to hire a coolie to carry it for me.
pushkar is still a dream. everyday i start to forget, but then i open my eyes.
Friday, January 26, 2007
teacher dance day
i couldn't sleep last night. not suprisingly my good pal insomnia dropped by for a visit. it reminded me i was suddenly cold, and that my pillow is about as thick as a panty liner, and my blankets smell faintly of burlap, and the wood slats of my bed can be felt through what passes as a "matress" here in india.
everytime a cow farted outside my eyes would open. with the countdown for home started in the furthest reaches of my brain, my hamster has returned to its rusted wheel.
my final waking in the morning was to a woman wailing. i think someone must of died. it was long hysterical wailing for over an hour. i layed with my head hidden under the covers listening.
this week has really really kicked my ass. i had every intention of pulling through, going to my first class and continuing on this path of hard core hard core. but then walking in the morning i decieded i needed a teacher dance day, a mental health day, well a mental health morning at least. today is the last day of my workshop, and though i've been loving it, and my students are great, i will be happy to change my focuse to just learning.
and with rehersal coming into full full swing i'm really not allowed a day off. so this morning i talked to my guru and said, "hey i take vacation from stepping class" and he say's "okay, rest but come for item class"
really this means i only skip out on 1.5 hours of morning exercise. so i drank chai and watched my duid-wallah, i ate a large breakfast, and i came here, to write to you.
thrilling isn't it?
my spanish boy leaves today. i would be sad, but why? i am completely consumed with the dancing.
we had a film crew come to our school the other day. they took footage of colleena dancing and of the advanced class (me included) rehersing. so next sunday night we will be on rajastani tv.
i was told that one month intinsive in odissi is equal to one year of study, so when i'm done here i should have the equevilent of 2.5yrs of work.
my brain needs to figure out how to come back next year.
everytime a cow farted outside my eyes would open. with the countdown for home started in the furthest reaches of my brain, my hamster has returned to its rusted wheel.
my final waking in the morning was to a woman wailing. i think someone must of died. it was long hysterical wailing for over an hour. i layed with my head hidden under the covers listening.
this week has really really kicked my ass. i had every intention of pulling through, going to my first class and continuing on this path of hard core hard core. but then walking in the morning i decieded i needed a teacher dance day, a mental health day, well a mental health morning at least. today is the last day of my workshop, and though i've been loving it, and my students are great, i will be happy to change my focuse to just learning.
and with rehersal coming into full full swing i'm really not allowed a day off. so this morning i talked to my guru and said, "hey i take vacation from stepping class" and he say's "okay, rest but come for item class"
really this means i only skip out on 1.5 hours of morning exercise. so i drank chai and watched my duid-wallah, i ate a large breakfast, and i came here, to write to you.
thrilling isn't it?
my spanish boy leaves today. i would be sad, but why? i am completely consumed with the dancing.
we had a film crew come to our school the other day. they took footage of colleena dancing and of the advanced class (me included) rehersing. so next sunday night we will be on rajastani tv.
i was told that one month intinsive in odissi is equal to one year of study, so when i'm done here i should have the equevilent of 2.5yrs of work.
my brain needs to figure out how to come back next year.
more
more more more. i have been so busy here i can't see straight.
i had a solo performance the other night, and the place was jammed packed. there was no drinks and no fear. the crowd loved me. boy's and girls i'm big in india.
i am at the end of my 10hr workshop. i have 2 odissi dances under my belt and starting a third. my right heel has had a blow out and it is difficult to dance.
i am dancing so much that i have to work to find time to eat.
the cold "winter" has melted away after a month and the days are hot now, hot like dry hot. my skin is aging before my eyes.
i've fallen in love with the duid-wallah. an old man with a curling white beard, a multi-colored turban, and gold ear cuffs. i see him every morning as he rides in on his big motorcycle, milk pales tied to either side.
i've fallen in love with a spanish man that can see straight through me.
i have become part of a wonderful family here. a bunch of dance geeks that watch dance videos for fun.
we have a new teacher today, he has come to help whip us into shape. my feet and ankles are no longer my own, or at least i can't feel them so i don't think i should claim them.
my nights are filled with buckets of hot water and tiger balm....
countdown to performance is one month...
i had a solo performance the other night, and the place was jammed packed. there was no drinks and no fear. the crowd loved me. boy's and girls i'm big in india.
i am at the end of my 10hr workshop. i have 2 odissi dances under my belt and starting a third. my right heel has had a blow out and it is difficult to dance.
i am dancing so much that i have to work to find time to eat.
the cold "winter" has melted away after a month and the days are hot now, hot like dry hot. my skin is aging before my eyes.
i've fallen in love with the duid-wallah. an old man with a curling white beard, a multi-colored turban, and gold ear cuffs. i see him every morning as he rides in on his big motorcycle, milk pales tied to either side.
i've fallen in love with a spanish man that can see straight through me.
i have become part of a wonderful family here. a bunch of dance geeks that watch dance videos for fun.
we have a new teacher today, he has come to help whip us into shape. my feet and ankles are no longer my own, or at least i can't feel them so i don't think i should claim them.
my nights are filled with buckets of hot water and tiger balm....
countdown to performance is one month...
Friday, January 12, 2007
big fish...
i have been thrown from just finishing the very first dance you learn as an odissi dancer into learning one of the last, and difficult dances.
the odissi food chain befuddles me. i feel as if i am hardly keeping up.
i feel the honor of being thrown in with the big fish, and really i work the best when under pressure, but between me and you sometimes its a daunting thing.
i mean i am literally dancing all day 6 days a week. i look forward to sunday as i've never looked forward to a day off before. i love it, but it can't always be love and confidence. i wouldn't say i'm doubting myself either, but this is definitly turning into an exercise of shutting out the ego.
i can feel it waiting for me, to not work hard enough, to not understnad a step and replicate it quickly enough.
i saw a man hit a cow with his car the other day. i was told that if you kill a cow in india that is one of the worst things for your after life. people will turn themselves into beggars for a few years to try and cancel out the bad karma they've accumulated from this act.
crazy india.
we've ordered our professional odissi outfits for our feb 24th program. i love being part of a studio, to be working to create a very unique performance in an amazing place.
our dresses have to be specially made in Orissia where Odissi originated by a man who's only job is making odissi dresses. this is costing me a few hundred dollars, for one dress. i really don't think i've spent that much on one artical of clothing EVER! but seeing how we will be swarmed with the media it's probably important to look my best!
i have been thrown from just finishing the very first dance you learn as an odissi dancer into learning one of the last, and difficult dances.
the odissi food chain befuddles me. i feel as if i am hardly keeping up.
i feel the honor of being thrown in with the big fish, and really i work the best when under pressure, but between me and you sometimes its a daunting thing.
i mean i am literally dancing all day 6 days a week. i look forward to sunday as i've never looked forward to a day off before. i love it, but it can't always be love and confidence. i wouldn't say i'm doubting myself either, but this is definitly turning into an exercise of shutting out the ego.
i can feel it waiting for me, to not work hard enough, to not understnad a step and replicate it quickly enough.
i saw a man hit a cow with his car the other day. i was told that if you kill a cow in india that is one of the worst things for your after life. people will turn themselves into beggars for a few years to try and cancel out the bad karma they've accumulated from this act.
crazy india.
we've ordered our professional odissi outfits for our feb 24th program. i love being part of a studio, to be working to create a very unique performance in an amazing place.
our dresses have to be specially made in Orissia where Odissi originated by a man who's only job is making odissi dresses. this is costing me a few hundred dollars, for one dress. i really don't think i've spent that much on one artical of clothing EVER! but seeing how we will be swarmed with the media it's probably important to look my best!
skinny will come...
we've been hard at work learning a new type of step. this type has a 1-10 and is known as trephungi. those that have taken colleena's workshop, or an odissi class will be familiar with this.
once again i feel like an ape. my knuckles dragging on the ground i leap back and forth screaming and throwing poo at the others. it always comes back to poo.
we are also in a 4/4 to 6/8 transition in the dance, we do a fancy little ballet leap with it. this too makes me revert to my ape ancestors and it's all i can do to stay in form and not shake my hands over my head making monkey noises.
my Guru is and ageless indian man. he sits behing his drum and yells out "No! WHY!" when we do something wrong. he is a fantastic teacher, and never asks us to do anything he can't do. it is amazing with new choreography to watch him dance, sometimes i forget i'm supposed to replicate it. and he always does it once and the say's "you know like this" like i have any idea what he's talking about.
today at our morning break i was laughing at my trephungi attemps and talking with the other dancers about how great our thighs must look and Guruji comes up to me and say's "don't worry skinny will come"
now i can't say that this was something that i was really thinking about. i mean i put on some weight in thailand, but after almost a month of dancing i can feel the difference in my body and i don't think i'm looking all that bad.
all i could really do is laugh and say "really Guruji skinny will come?"
and in all seriousness he looks at me like a concerend father and say's "yeah yeah you a dancer, you have good mind, skinny will come"
so praise God boys and girls skinny will come!
i finally met an indian man that had lived abroad in the west for 6months. he is dissatisfied with his life, he is planning and dreaming for something different than what he has. it seems to be a rare find here in Pushkar, someone that isn't happy with their pre-ordained path. i'm not sure really if it is a good thing, dissatisfaction, but it was nice to finally meet someone that seemed to really think about things and their place in life.
once again i feel like an ape. my knuckles dragging on the ground i leap back and forth screaming and throwing poo at the others. it always comes back to poo.
we are also in a 4/4 to 6/8 transition in the dance, we do a fancy little ballet leap with it. this too makes me revert to my ape ancestors and it's all i can do to stay in form and not shake my hands over my head making monkey noises.
my Guru is and ageless indian man. he sits behing his drum and yells out "No! WHY!" when we do something wrong. he is a fantastic teacher, and never asks us to do anything he can't do. it is amazing with new choreography to watch him dance, sometimes i forget i'm supposed to replicate it. and he always does it once and the say's "you know like this" like i have any idea what he's talking about.
today at our morning break i was laughing at my trephungi attemps and talking with the other dancers about how great our thighs must look and Guruji comes up to me and say's "don't worry skinny will come"
now i can't say that this was something that i was really thinking about. i mean i put on some weight in thailand, but after almost a month of dancing i can feel the difference in my body and i don't think i'm looking all that bad.
all i could really do is laugh and say "really Guruji skinny will come?"
and in all seriousness he looks at me like a concerend father and say's "yeah yeah you a dancer, you have good mind, skinny will come"
so praise God boys and girls skinny will come!
i finally met an indian man that had lived abroad in the west for 6months. he is dissatisfied with his life, he is planning and dreaming for something different than what he has. it seems to be a rare find here in Pushkar, someone that isn't happy with their pre-ordained path. i'm not sure really if it is a good thing, dissatisfaction, but it was nice to finally meet someone that seemed to really think about things and their place in life.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
today...
today is monday jan. 8th 2007.
i think it is getting colder here. there are a few material items i dream of..
1. my long dance legwarmers
2. my dance arm shrug
3. polar fleece jacket
4. mitlettes
5.sonicare toothbrush
6.my book collection
7.gummy hearts
i will be giving a small performance in two weeks at a local resturant with a few other dancers. then i will be teaching my first workshop.
i really don't enjoy being the center of attention. dancing as a soloist makes me want to ralph. i wish i had my 50lbs suitcase full of make up and tricks. but all i have is a stick of coal, some old crusty mascara, and Pushkar market to shop for my costume. what will i do without my comforts? without my troupe mates?
bellydance polotics is getting thick here, almost as thick as in the states. the conversations make me want to puncture my ear drums. the cattiness is lurking under layers of salwar kameze...can it be contained?
i took a ride on a motorbike the other night with my guesthouse boyfriend. he's always telling me about the hills at night and how beautiful it is. so he invites me along and i accept. he then spends a few minutes on his cellphone and we leave. some how "riding through the hills at night" turned into "zig-zagging through town at night" i felt like i was on display. i wonder if he called all his friends and was like "hey bet you five ruppees i got a blonde on my bike".
i was a little annoyed at first, but really it was funny. life is just funny to me, especially life here in india.
so what do i care if pushkar thinks i'm hooking up with my guesthouse guy? if they think that then maybe they'll leave me alone.
solitude is something that is no longer part of my life. i have to work hard to be alone, well there are now over a billion people in india, so i guess i can't complaine.
i think it is getting colder here. there are a few material items i dream of..
1. my long dance legwarmers
2. my dance arm shrug
3. polar fleece jacket
4. mitlettes
5.sonicare toothbrush
6.my book collection
7.gummy hearts
i will be giving a small performance in two weeks at a local resturant with a few other dancers. then i will be teaching my first workshop.
i really don't enjoy being the center of attention. dancing as a soloist makes me want to ralph. i wish i had my 50lbs suitcase full of make up and tricks. but all i have is a stick of coal, some old crusty mascara, and Pushkar market to shop for my costume. what will i do without my comforts? without my troupe mates?
bellydance polotics is getting thick here, almost as thick as in the states. the conversations make me want to puncture my ear drums. the cattiness is lurking under layers of salwar kameze...can it be contained?
i took a ride on a motorbike the other night with my guesthouse boyfriend. he's always telling me about the hills at night and how beautiful it is. so he invites me along and i accept. he then spends a few minutes on his cellphone and we leave. some how "riding through the hills at night" turned into "zig-zagging through town at night" i felt like i was on display. i wonder if he called all his friends and was like "hey bet you five ruppees i got a blonde on my bike".
i was a little annoyed at first, but really it was funny. life is just funny to me, especially life here in india.
so what do i care if pushkar thinks i'm hooking up with my guesthouse guy? if they think that then maybe they'll leave me alone.
solitude is something that is no longer part of my life. i have to work hard to be alone, well there are now over a billion people in india, so i guess i can't complaine.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
new years and feeling like death
on new years i didn't camp in the desert or the dessert. i did however spend it under the stars listening to a man with a voice of...how to describe. audioual honey. everytime i hear this man sing i am frozen, i can't explain.
i wanted to turn my head sideways and spoon the richness into my ears. once he was done i wanted to plug my ears with my fingures and keep his voice safe in my head. unfortunatly it doesn't work that way. he is however my song teacher, and sings when we dance. only once have i danced to him singing, and i just really couldn't function, i became all elbows and shuffeling steps!
and part two. i have been SO sick! after all this time i was thumbing my nose at the travel sick bug. don't get me wrong i have plenty of shit stories to share on a one to one basis, but as far as sick goes, it has been quick and never too painfull.
so happy new year, the purge of 2006 is done and i physically felt it passing. today is my first day out of bed after about 50 hours of sleep. i really hope this is all for the new year!
i wanted to turn my head sideways and spoon the richness into my ears. once he was done i wanted to plug my ears with my fingures and keep his voice safe in my head. unfortunatly it doesn't work that way. he is however my song teacher, and sings when we dance. only once have i danced to him singing, and i just really couldn't function, i became all elbows and shuffeling steps!
and part two. i have been SO sick! after all this time i was thumbing my nose at the travel sick bug. don't get me wrong i have plenty of shit stories to share on a one to one basis, but as far as sick goes, it has been quick and never too painfull.
so happy new year, the purge of 2006 is done and i physically felt it passing. today is my first day out of bed after about 50 hours of sleep. i really hope this is all for the new year!
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