Thursday, November 30, 2006

DAMN!!!!

well damn it's happend again.

i like to think of myself as a fairly carful traveler. you know, i keep the important stuff with me, where i can see it or hold it (most the time). i never ever put important things in my big bag, that's for books, dirty clothes, and gifts.

so you may imagine my, uh suprise when i find myself 6am streets of bangkok. i'm tired, sweaty, i can't find a room for under 600baht (i should be paying 170 baht). i'm wandering past the hookers, street sweapers, tuk-tuk drivers, and even two men yelling at me from a second story window trying to schedual me a tattoo appointment for later that day. this is really not looking good
i finally give in and take the next hotel i come to, a whole 400baht a night. imagine me as i open my wallet and, no money.

nope. none.

well where the fuck did it go? i had it.

i suppose the thing about a good theif/pickpocket is that they don't get caught, that you don't even realize it has happened. as i have now expereinced on several ocassions here in asia.

so last night i caught a night bus from chiang mai to bangkok. it leaves 6pm and arrives 6am. it is geared for travelers and is swanky and cheap with fully reclining seats and AC.

we get on 6pm, lights out. weird. usually i find it almost impossible to sleep, especially in something like a bus, but oddly enough i remeber very little of this ride. i did however have one of those weird waking/can't wake dreams. where you try to move your body, you try to speak, and you really really want to wake up because you should but you can't. i had one of those.

i really didn't think much of this dream as i was fuming about the lost dough. i thought more about how in the world did someone get into my little bag that was securly attached to my camera bag, riding between my feet on the bus?
then i got into my not so nice over priced hotel room and opened my big bag. oh yeah foul play. the big bag had been searched there was no doubt about it.

so i have my theories, and i have my suspects, but that's all i have.

luckily all they took was my cash, nothing else.

nice way to welcome me back to bangkok.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

the karen take 2

i got up early to spend a day on a motorbike. there was a hole list of things to do/see around town and for $20 you really couldn't pass it up.
i got on the back of the bike at 9am, and for the very first time i was offered a helmet, i almost didn't know what to do with this lime green hard thing. oh for my head! so i had to unpile the dreads and plop it on. it was a sweet little half helmet with a dopey chin strap. my driver wore one too. we waved goodbye, i clutched onto the oh shit bar behind me and we veered through oncoming traffic.
about 5 mins later my driver, when we are safely out of town, while driving takes of his helmet and puts it in the basket in front. he doesn't speak much english but TURNS and says "no helmet no problem, okay?"
i'm like "yeah okay but maybe not while we're moving" he just shrugs and goes back to driving. really on this tour the only thing i wanted to see was the Karen people. i could care less about another cave, another waterfall, etc...but what else was i going to do, you know?
once at the refugee camp i had to pay more $$ to get in and leave all my passport info. these camps are odd. they are way out in the sticks, and protected by police, but they don't really exist. they're supposed to not supposed to exist. i don't really understand and no one seemed to be able to explain it to me.
i had also been strggeling with myself, should i go and do this? do i want to walk into a human zoo and throw money at the animals so they will pose for a picture. i really felt like a jerk my first half of the visit. i stuck to photographing the kids because it is easier. i would always ask, and they would gt this strange frozen look about them, no smiles. you can see in the one i took with the two little girls the one is smiling and pulling at my hair, that was really it. they have this photo look when you get close and that is what you get.
i had a jacket on because they day was cold, but i figured these people get stared at all the time, and usually so do i and i thought my tattoos would be an ice breaker. it was. the people have seen tattoos but not color tattoos and not on such white skin, oh yeah that was my in.
come to find out most of these women speak like 5 different languages. they don't go to school but they learn from all the tourists that roll through. the older woman i'm in the picture with asked me to come and sit with her and talk to her. so i asked her all about her life and the camp here and her life in burma. this woman is actually quit famouse and in all the postcards/photos of the long neck Karens. she had a daughter that passed away last month that was even more famouse and really breathtaking.
after talking to this woman i felt more copmfortable about being in the camp, and seeing the people. i really just wanted to go crazy photographing, but it was hard working with three camers and not being invasive. so really i didn't get as much as i wanted. my driver came looking for me i took so much time there.
i thought about going back the next day, going to another village. but when something is so magical i hate to try and replicate it. i don't want to taint the first experince by have a second that pales in comparison.
the rest of the day was enjoyable, but mostly for the ride itself. we zipped along a road as curly as a hair plucked off a poodles back. my helmet was off and the day had turned hot. we chugged up step hills in first gear, going so slow i thought we would have to get off and push.
we made it up to a dense jungle. the road was full of patches of sun and shadow. we were going so fast the world became a blur of high contrast, a constant stream of black and white zipping from one patch to the next. and the tempeture difference. it was like being plunged into an icy pool and then tossed into a furnace. over and over again. the jungle seemed alive with a bi-polar disposition that it was taking out on us. my sense's became so overwhelmed i couldn't tell direction or time or place. i wonder how my driver kept us on this continouse path that seemed to fold in on itself, rising and falling and rising again.
we took this road to some strange chinese settlements. i could have spit an hit myanmar from where i got off the bike. we took a rest, we looked at a still, reflective lake, we drank green tea and ate pad pak,we got back on and drove back to town.

the karen people

after being a homesick anxiety ridden brat i thought i would treat you all to the amazing things that i have been seeing.








Tuesday, November 28, 2006

anxiety is my bed fellow

so here i am sharing the good as well as the bad with you.
homesickness and anxiety.
i left on my trip to figure out some things, you know things. thoughts bumping around in my head, a life to regain and straighten out.
but now that i'm here and not there it seems like the things i really love and hold dear are threatening to fall apart.
why do you have to lose the good with the bad?
why can't you lose just the bad?
nothing ever turns out the way it is planned or expected to so what's the point in forthought? or is the lack of thought and planning the thing that puts me in these spots?

this entire week i've been to places i heard are amazing and found them lacking, and then to places that are dull and found them full of quiet inspiration. no one knows the truth on the road, it is all lies and things you have to see for yourself.

i met a dutch girl that was 6'1 and blonde and said "fo-Oranger" all the time, i thought she was talking about the fruit.
i met a french girl that has heard of colleena and her school of dance where i will be going in pushkar.

i rode a bus up a mountain that was so steep there was a butterfly meandering along that passed us.

i sat and talked with women wearing coils around their necks that had to flee their country. they speak at least 5 languages each, weave day in and day out, and let strangers into their homes to photograph them.

i saw elephants working in fields just like an ox would.

i am in the mountains and there is a fine mist that rolls in and reminds me of my home. the weather is cool, the humidity is gone, and there are pine trees in the jungles here.

i haven't seen/heard of another american backpacker in weeks. we are like a rare animal that people hear about but don't really believe that they exist. i get into so many conversations and some where along the line the phrase "i don't really like americans" pops out, but i don't really know if they mean me right now or if i am an exception to the rule.

the world continues to fascinate and puzzle me. i forget sometimes why i am here. why i left. what am i doing?

but it is a ride with a reason and i'm not at the end of it yet, i suppose i simply must trust the process of it.

Monday, November 27, 2006

a little homesick

so thailand is almost behind me. i have been on the road for a bit now, and really am at a loss for what to do. with no plan i jump on buses. for those of you following along at home in the past few days i have gone from Chiyapum to some weird town i don't know the name of to Phitsanulok to Tak to Mae Sot to Mae Sariange to Mae Hong Son. basically i am traveling up the north on the road that lies between myanmar and thailand. i checked out the border crossing for myanmar and deceided not to go, which is probably for the best considering their bad politics.
i did however get to meet and see burmes people and it was cool.

thinking of taking a night train all the way down south, but it is high season for tourists and prices are sky rocketing!

mae hong son is a quiet town and the sun is setting. there is a lake by where i am staying and a small night market, so i am off to explore and try and deceid what to do with my tomorrow!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

in my pants...

i put on my pants today, and then about 7mins later i realized there was a cricket in ther with me!
not like an "oh hello mr. hopper you're really cute!" but like a "what the fuck! was that a roach?" it was pretty big, like daddy roach size. he hurt my foot when he hit it.
yeah how i missed it i don't really know. that i didn't scream was amazing. i did strip with a quickness and then fall on the floor laughing.
i suppose that's what i get for hanging out in the village cuts.
oh and on a sadder note i think i killed my ipod. the only one that's going to hurt is me. do you think i can make it a few more months with NO music? poo.

the count down to india is upon me and i'm wondering what i've missed here in thailand and what i will kick myself for missing when i leave. what to do with less than 2 weeks to go?

my mind has moved on to india although my physical body is here. a little on the scared shitless side for traveling in india, but i get that way when i haven't been someplace before. and for me india has been so built up in my mind, so many good and bad stories. it is really hard to go someplace with no fear or expectations.

but don't worry i'll keep you posted.

and for the record internet cafes full of thai boys blow. they are so annoying!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

day 52 or so







back in T-town, for those of you who aren't cool (though i know all my readers are) that is thailand.
i figured, i am counting, that i am on day 53 or so of my trip.
i have fallen into a hippy haven with small clean rooms, communal tables, roads of smooth rocks, yoga, reiki, astrology, vegetarian food, a garden with shade to sit in and hippies.

oh the highlights of this place is a pit puppy to snuggle and my neighbor plays the accordian. a quiet spoken man that's been playing as long as i've been alive.

i ment to pass through nong khai, simply see a sculpture garden and take off, but this place has lured me in. the traveling is begining to wear me a down a little bit, not quite enough to help me sleep nights, but enough to give me a little cold.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

photos.....




spring break 2006 van veing style

still in Lao. i like it here. the capital of lao, veintiane is a little bit of a skanky town with not much to do but drink by the river and shoo away tuk tuk drivers. i have found some more jewlery to buy, but am such a penny pincher my anxiety kicks in when i go to hand the cash over for the goods, there are just too many decisions. i've already made some good and bad ones, but it is life and it is money and who really cares...right? i just hope i have some left for INDIA!!!

so lao has been a whirl wind trip, kristina left me this morning to go back to her sight, so i am once again on my own, trying to decied where to go. it is more stressful that you might think, ther are more than just the 4 directions open to me, i can go anywhere! but i am just a stones throw away from thailand, and i am having thoughts of the karen villages i could go visit, hmmmm.

but back to lao. a few days ago we were in a town called van veing, a beautiful vally surrounded by moutains, a small town with quiet people and lots of natuer. we explored caves that people lived in during the 70's (i think) when the USA was bombing the shit out of lao. these caves were huge, and about 257 people lived inside of them to protect temselves from bombs. considering the shit that americans have done to the lao people such a short time ago, they are really friendly and loving.
so we saw several caves and one was an underwater cave, or part underwater. we sat on inner tubes and wore miniture car batteries around our necks and lights strapped to our heads...we looked like the seven dwarfs but bigger and less in number, and riding on inner tubes. this cave was the best, it smelled like the pirates of the carravian ride at disneyland, instant nostalga for my sister. our guide was funny and barked and sang the whole way in to scare away all the ghosts for us. he's only been a tour guide for months and his english was horrid but he was so much fun!
during part of the water cave we had to get out and crawl on our hands an knees through a tunnel, on the other side we had to wade back around to our tubes. kristina was worried about the batteries and the water mixing, but our guide assured us "no die" so we felkt safe. good thing because lucky me sacraficed myself to the river gods and plunged in against my will battery and all. and no "no die" i was fine, although a little bruised and my brand new flip flop took off with the currant! well our faithful guide lept to the rescue and chased it down while kristina fished me out of the river. i figured someone had to slip so good thing it was me.

later we floated in tubes back to our guesthouse, about 3 hours on the river. it was over run with people selling beer, floating bars, and places to get out, drink, and jump off of really high platforms into the water. it looked like fun and appealed to my sense of adventure, but i was content to float. anyways they were all crowded with the cheerleaders and jocks of the backpacker world, it looked like spring break.

RIP locals

i have found that there is a certain poibt in time where every long term commitment/re;ationship comes to be tested. after many years the support that was once firm and strong has been worked thin with holes, it isn't quite as comfortable, and the trust is going. but do you really want to move on? there is a comfortbility, an understanding. why give up what you know and therefore love for a future that can't yet be told?
all of this has been going through my mind. as you know if you've been reading my blogs i have a very serious problem in my flip flops. we have been together for several years, we have traveled the world, stepped into several oceans, slipped on numerouse surfaces, squished excotic bugs together...so many memories, is it really time for them to go?
while walking the parade filled streets of chiang mai i suddenly was struck with a sharp angry pain in my right big toe, i jumped and lifted it off the ground only to see a rusty nail hanging from the bottom of flip my right flop. i pulled the nail out, it had gone all the way through the rubber, and inspected my toe for a puncture, dreading the thought of a tetnus shot...when was the last time i had it? how long does it last?
well thankfully the nail didn't break the skin, like seat belts i have a thick calluse that protected the soft part of my foot from the bad collision. so it was deceided then and there, flip and flop were out. they may still love me, but our lives had grown apart, they no longer wanted to support me, and keep me safe, so i had to put them down.
there was some thought in giving the a burial onthe mekong, but that was forgoten as soon as the closest trash bin wasin sight.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

mekong



the mighty mekong. i always had images from apocolyps now whenever i thought of floating down the mekong. it was definitly on my "to do" list while i am in south east asia, and lucky me i spent the last two days on a boat.
it was overall a beautiful and rewarding trip, it tired my body out with out really exerting myself. i am beginning to love boat travel, it would be wonderful to cross an ocean one day by boat, and let the water work its magic...

so i am in lao, it is quiet and beautiful, we will see what the rest of this journey has in store for me.

loy kratong

these are the crazy hot air ballons that made the sky look as if there were new stars. these were being put off by the hundreds...

the parade in chiang mai

























peacocks in her hair, fireworks in the air, beer on the streets!

chiang mai is definitly a party town, these people know how to party. actually this whole country knows how to party, it is theire favorite national past time.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

the cookies have landed

the cookies have arrived and so has kristina. mmmm! yummy chocolaty goodness.
we have moved to the fourth floor of our guesthouse, two beds no hot water, 8 flights of stairs. Chiang Mai is packed with both forginers and thais alike. the streets are crowded with people and vendors, musicans, dancers, it is intense. tonight is supposed to be "the big night" on the river, a parade and shows at every park or wat that can hold a stage. we followed the parade lastnight and went to the river. we boat a little boat made out of orchids and banana leaves, topped off with a candel and incense. you light the incense and candle and float the boat off into the river in thanks of the end of the rainy season, and good luck. it is a beautiful thing to see, hundreds of people lighting little boats and letting them go in the water. there are also these miniture airballons that people light and let float into the sky, i'll have to post some pictures later, this computer isn't letting me upload them. the ballons float higher and higher till it looks like a whole new sky with a million little red stars mapping out new constilations. all this not to mention the fireworks. this is no america, there are no laws as to who can or can't and where and how, it is a free for all. in some respects it is good, some bad.
the fireworks make me recall my favorite 4ths of july. one year at homira's house where you could barely see the fireworks because of the thick cloud of smoke, there were so many fireworks we could have easily gone till the next forth of july setting them off. then there is the good ol oakland loft where the sticks rained down from the sky the fireworks were so plentiful. i think my very favorite was this year with my sister becky and james and the kids. small, funny, and watching my sister scream over the fireworks was more fun than watching them myself.
so yeah it is a war zone out here. this morning i was woken up by fireworks as well as a marching band playing what sounded like theme music to a space ship movie, i almost lept out of my bed with excitment. then at breakfast i watched little kids throw explosives intoo the little river thick with fish. i got so mad i wanted to push the little bastards in, but i have to be sensetive to the culture, and since the parents weren't doing anything i figured i shouldn't either.
kristina and i went and got a pedicure together, and have just been kicking around town. i found somewhere to process my color film and am nervouse to see the results, tommorow i pick them up. tomorrow we head to the thai/lao border and then after that we take a 2 day boat trip down the mekong to laung probang in lao.
so all in all it's been a great week, it is nice to have a traveling companion. i love to travel alone, and for this trip it is good to be alone, but all in all i am tired of doing it alone. one day i will find someone that actually likes to travel like i do. there is just so many amazing things to see and do, and it is so sad that i can only sort of share it through my blog, the only real way to go is to expereince it. i run into so many couples that are traveling for 6months -1year and i think that is the most amazing thing ever.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

tattoo photos

me and my boy blue, ko chang island....
smoke break...


i'm so excited about posting photos!! here are the few i have of my feet before the donation of my camera to cambodia outreach....(thanks ames)

some photos


even the food is cute here.
















where i've been...

what i've seen

the first night here in chiang mai has broken the bank. i found the stash of jewelry, and really i think opium was the cheaper route...

photos... check... check...1-2-3?

so hmmm photos! i'm getting so smart!!!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

cookies on the way

things that will forever say travel in a "developing country"
warm fanta orange in a glass bottel with a straw
princess pink toliet paper that looks and feels like a stucco wall
when my feet suddenly become unrecognizable under layers of dirt, tan, cuts, blisters, and bites
books covered in plastic...
i am in a town called chiang mai, the bus ride wasn't too long, 4hours, but third class on a suprisingly bumpy road for thailand. it was an AC bus, the AC was about 6 chrome fans attached to the ceiling. i am staying by a small strip of man made water. the fish are so abundent in this pond like strip that when you look into it there is little else to see but their thick black bodies rolling under the water.
i have a new guesthouse, i am on the 6th floor and the bathroom is the size of a phonebooth, there is a toliet that touches walls at its front and back, the shower is above it. i'll have to take a picture of it. i feel so large in this country, not like a big in the pants high roller large, but damn let me put on a mumu and stoop over. actually there are plenty of thais larger than me, but after this consistant diet of pad thai i'm glad i'm on the 6th floor...i think i'll be switching to rice!
chiang mai is known for its night market, i am excited and can't wait for the sun to set, i love the night markets, it's like being at the fair, minus the rides and cotton candy.
i spent the last two nights spooning with a cockroach and the past week hanging out with insomnia. i have read some really good books because of it and my yoga and dance practice is flourishing...ohh insomnia you are such a good friend!
i will be here about a week waiting for kristina to come find me, it gives me time to do laundry and run around this really big town.